Sunday, March 4, 2012

UPS vs. Fedex, Kubota vs. John Deere, Pierce Brosnan vs. Daniel Craig

So, this past Thursday afternoon, I spotted the FEDEX guy driving down our driveway from my window that overlooks the front of the house. See that bright shiny lovely light behind Eragon the Fiend (Sir Cat)? That is my window right smack dab next to my desk. It's a nice vantage point I think for spotting geese in the field or eminent joy arriving via a big truck.

 Now, there is really no point in continuing to work when one of the delivery dudes show up since the dogs yap their ever loving brains out at the any vehicle that dares assault their naps.

You can't have a phone conversation through it much less think, so best idea is to head down and rescue your package. It wasn't for me. It was THE MAN'S new boots and I set it down for him to open and headed back upstairs to my little comfy corner and my laptop.

Settled back down and heard noises coming from the driveway. STUCK noises. I thought oh lovely. Betcha the FEDEX guy has gone and gotten himself stuck.

Second thought was dang it all. The UPS guy who comes nearly daily due to free shipping on Amazon and my propensity for mail order NEVER gets stuck.

So, I grab a sweatshirt and my cell and head downstairs.

Now, it HAD been snowing quite regularly all day. And it was that wet snow that melts quite a bit before accumulating. So, the bottom layer of snow was more like ice slush and making it quite difficult to get any traction.

I called for reinforcements and had Lexi run to get me some cat litter. FEDEX guy thought that might do the trick. Threw quite a bit under the duel tires that were spinning and stood back. He gunned it and manged to get quite a bit father before getting stuck again.

So, called hubby at work.

Point of the call was two fold. Firstly, if he was bored, he would then have dandy excuse to come home early. Second point was to say I was going to use his tractor.

He is a bit um...shall we say, uptight about anyone nipping into his garage and touching his stuff.

His suggestion was backing all the way down the driveway and gunning it to make it out.

So, I suggested that to the FEDEX guy and he thought that was a good idea.

Four attempts later and he was sideways in the driveway. Although, I must say, much father down than when he started, so I was seeing the whole thing as progress.

He was truly stuck this time so went for the tractor. Got in front of the FEDEX guy with the Kubota and we got it hooked up with the chain.

I had forgotten Joe my neighbor keeps good tabs on the comings and goings on at the Pratt House. I do really love that about him.

Did I mention it was snowing/raining on my head during this whole thing?

At this point Lexi is wandering down the driveway wearing my boots and holding a phone saying, OK, I'll ask her. She yells hey, do you want Joe's help?

And I answer, sure, the more the merrier since my cell phone is also ringing.

It's the neighbors on the other side offering a tractor.

Yippee! It's a block party!

Meanwhile the FEDEX guy's boss is telling him not to rip up my lawn.

I mean really, there is enough snow not to worry about that Mr. Sitting in the Office Boss guy and we got big goings on here at the Pratt House.

I imagine THE MAN driving as fast as he can from the plant not to miss any action.

In about five seconds we have Bob and Shirley driving their big John Deere and Joe emerges from his barn on his blue Fordster.

Traffic is slowing down to watch the free tractor pull.

I was a bit saddened not to get a try myself.

Bob yanked FEDEX guy out in three minutes and before you could say SNOW everyone had wandered off leaving the driveway looking like a war zone.

THE MAN arrives shortly there after in huff. He is pretty sure that HIS tractor could have pulled FEDEX guy out and then demands to know what everyone else had brought to the tractor pull that happened in his front yard.


Thankfully there was still plowing to be done.

And on the subject of knights in shining armor, I just became aware of a very important debate.

I watch headline news every morning and for some reason they don't cover this subject. Lately they have been spending excessive air time on the four (five?) Republican candidates and what various snarky things they have said lately about their opponents. None of them are the least bit attractive or inspirational to me, so lets cover something more interesting.

Pierce Brosnan vs. Daniel Craig

There was some talk about this around blog land the other day.

I couldn't decide myself.

I tried asking guys at work, but they all voted for Kate Upton.

So, I leave you with the very important question.

If FEDEX was stuck in your driveway, who would you prefer to show up?

And, you can't say Kate Upton because I don't really see her driving a tractor.


  1. Matthew McConaughey is my pick, but I think you would have been fine all on your own.

  2. Hugh Jackman...gotta keep those Southern Hemispherer's in the mix!!!!

  3. Gretchen at EquinoxMarch 4, 2012 at 6:04 PM

    I'm not picking any one, but I sure had a good laugh over this story... Country Folk take care of each other and don't think another thing about it... your turn comes some time to be the knight (Ms. Knight?) in shining armour!

  4. Jason Statham is my choice... that man can kick some serious butt.... and I am even guessing he wouldn't need a tractor! lol!!

  5. George Clooney, not so much to move the damn truck but to distract me from all that hassle - surely the neighbours and The Man can get rid of fed ex while you had a nice warm coffee with mr clooney....
    oops daydreaming out aloud again, better stop before they get more detailed!

    by the way, I wouldn't knock back Mr Craig either and I'm pretty sure he'd be able to move anything he wanted to...

  6. Oh George Clooney all the way!!! and i am still laughing at your hilarious post..... although i am sure it was very serious business at the time!! Oh the joys of snow.. which we don't have here in sunny although very wet at the moment Queensland Australia!!!!!

  7. Rupert Penry-Jones, please, but I prefer it to be summertime and him to be a UPS guy in those darling shorts.

  8. Never heard of Kate Upton - I must google this chick!! Well I gave you my choice already but Alex Pettyfer would be second :)

  9. Those 100 packages get picked up by the carrier at the store, run through their sorting facilities, shipped out on delivery trucks, and then delivered to each destination. what time does FedEx deliver to my zip code


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