Thursday, October 24, 2013

An Open Letter to Dear Mr. Corn

Dear Mr. Corn.

I love that you planted corn in the front of my house this year. It's awesome.

The porcupines think so too. The bus driver almost had a huge tangle with one recently and I heard the whole thing from my office. Lots of horn beeping and break squealing. Told my kids to tell the driver that one less porcupine is not a bad thing. (See previous post where one cost me $450 not that I am still holding a grudge)

One night we saw four heading across the lawn to waddle across the road and hang out. Must be a fabulous night club over there.

In Peru they make Chicha which is a beer made out of corn. Pretty sure the racoons have a distillery and are selling to the deer and porcupines.

The deer are also crossing the road in great number.

Right around 10:30 pm the other night THE MAN spotted a small group of men hanging out in front of our house. Three vehicles and lots and lots of light.

He went to investigate while I hung out on the bottom step in a white bathrobe (can't see white in the dark no no you can't) and had my finger poised to dial 911 on my phone should they be ax murders.

Nope. Some dude had hit a deer and they had a skirmish line set up trying to find the mostly dead thing.

Poor deer heading back from the bar after too many glasses of Chicha no doubt and walked into a truck.

And also, your corn scares me.

It's like huge. I'd be scared to wander around  in search of some Chicha for fear of getting lost or tangled up with a porcupine.

Please mow it, pretty please? I hear it's going to snow soon. It will be much nicer not to mow it in
the snow.

Kindest Regards,

Pratt Inc.


  1. I want to go hang out at the deer's Chicha Bar - sounds like the place to be at...

  2. Oh deer... sorry... poor thing.. and my dad used to grow corn and I used to go and play in it.. walk around in it in fact and pretend I was in the deepest darkest jungles.. so much fun.. Do they harvest that corn for the seed, looks like it is nearly ready...

  3. I'm groaning at Lizzy Cs pun....sides, I wanted to use it!!!! Lucky he's not growing sugar came & you don't live in Oz...that's where all the snakes hang out, apparently!!!!!

  4. I would be freaking as all get out to have to look at that at night. What is the update? Seeing as it did snow a bit in your it still there? That poor drunk deer stumbling home only to meet such a horrible fate... :( But OMG, the jerky is fabulous!


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